I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She needs sedatives and a leash
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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