I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
