I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
