So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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