How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
