wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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