My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
