PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
