shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
