I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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