i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
