just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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