Whod you bang
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
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