Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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