drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Randomize
