My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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