I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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