I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
