Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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