i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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