life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
