dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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