She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
