I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
