They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize