i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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