My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i just google imaged poop.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
