pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
