i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
