So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
