Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(507): View more from Minnesota

Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."

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(954): View more from Florida

like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.

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(914): View more from New York

I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.

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(606): View more from Kentucky

Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.

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(503): View more from Oregon

I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G

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(630): View more from Illinois

What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.

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(253): View more from Washington

I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.

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