this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize