every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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