my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
