I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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