i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
