2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
