Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize