drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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