Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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