guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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