I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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