Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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