So drunk, too bad you don't want this
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
