I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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