Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
