This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
