Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
