I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
