i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
