dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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