i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
