my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize