Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
