god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
