its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
