there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
