His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize