So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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