dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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