Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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