I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
