in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
