Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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