Cold hands, warm shart.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize