just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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