If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
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