my mouth tastes like poor choices
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
