Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
