I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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