I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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