it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
