I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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